Forever in Darkness (novella) (Order of the Blade #4) Read online

  “I’m no fairy godmother, and armor would impede my lightning fast reflexes.” Humor twinkled into those dark eyes, the first flash of lightness she’d seen from him, and it made something deep inside her want to smile. Smile? Seriously? Now? But she did. “I have a gleaming black motorcycle,” he said. “Will that work?”

  She wrinkled her nose, astounded at how good it felt to banter with him. She didn’t even understand how she could do it, not with everything she was dealing with, but somehow, this ultra-burdened warrior eased the weight on her soul just enough for her to feel like she could breathe again. “I doubt it. There’s never anything about motorcycles in fairytales.”

  “Well, damn. They need to be written then.” As Ian spoke, he leaned closer, and in a sudden flash of panic and a rush of desire, Alice realized he was going to kiss her.

  She slammed her hand against his chest, a useless gesture against a man so powerful, but he stopped. “Don’t kiss me.”

  His eyes darkened with a desire that made her pulse leap. Then slowly, ever so slowly, he pried her hand off his chest and raised it above her head. He pressed it against the wall, flattening her palm against the cool plaster. He bent his head, his lips so close to hers that she could feel the warmth of his breath.

  Desire rushed through her, and her body began to tremble with the need to respond to him. “I can’t—”

  “I know you can’t.” He brushed his lips over the corner of her mouth, and she closed her eyes, stunned by the tenderness of the touch. By the intimacy.

  “Dear God,” she whispered. “How can you make me feel like that?”

  “Because we’re destined for each other.” He kissed the other corner of her mouth, lingering ever so slightly over the kiss. “You’re mine,” he said, “And that means that I can feel your emotions. I can hear your thoughts.” He kissed the bow of her upper lip. “It means, my love, that I can learn the things you’re not allowed to tell me.”

  Alice’s eyes flew open, and she stared at him. “That’s impossible.”

  He released her wrist, and her hand fell to her side as he took her face in his hands, framing her cheeks in his powerful grasp. There was such intensity burning in his eyes, she felt her whole body ignite from the fire. “You don’t understand, do you?” he asked.

  She swallowed, riveted by his stare, by the heat of his hips still pressing against hers, by the way her entire soul was screaming for him, for this stranger who had plunged past all her safeguards and somehow made it into her very soul. “Understand what?” she whispered.

  “That there is nothing on this earth that could ever stop me from tightening the connection with you until our souls are so intertwined that each breath we take breathes life into each other, and our own heartbeats can keep the other one alive.”

  At those words, at the intensity of his face, at the raw emotion in his voice, something inside Alice finally broke, and she knew that with this man, she had a chance, the first one she’d ever had. This was the man that she wasn’t allowed to have, and somehow he’d found her anyway. How long could she hold onto him? Five minutes? Ten? An hour? “Kiss me,” she whispered. “Break the spell that binds me.”

  A look of intense male satisfaction roared over his face, and then he bent his head, and kissed her.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The moment Ian felt Catherine’s lips against his, his entire world shifted. Raw, burning desire claimed him, intensity so powerful it roared through him like the most violent summer storm, destroying everything in its path. He growled and slid his hand around to the back of her neck, tunneling his fingers through the soft tresses as he deepened the kiss, consumed by the need to taste her, feel her, possess her.

  A small noise of surprise echoed from her, and then she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. She kissed him back fiercely, with a pure, unbridled intensity. He could feel the desire erupting from her, and it flooded his senses, overwhelming every last bit of control he’d prided himself on for so long.

  The kiss turned frantic, desperate, as if both of them were unable to contain their need for each other. Ian pressed her against the wall, kissing her more deeply as he shoved her shirt out of his way and claimed the bare skin of her stomach, her hips, her back. Her flesh was of the softest silk, more than he’d ever imagined even in his dreams. It was pure and elemental, as if it were born of the spring earth after a cleansing rain. She was the gift of light that he’d been craving his whole life, the beauty of that moment where life suddenly takes on meaning.

  He broke the kiss and trailed his mouth down her neck, over her breastbone. Then he tugged her collar aside and pressed his lips to the swell of her breasts.

  “Oh, God.” Catherine’s head clunked against the wall, as she leaned back, gripping Ian’s shoulder as he took her nipple into his mouth. Her body shook, and her fingers dug in as he bit the taut peak.

  The intensity of her response ricocheted through him, and suddenly he couldn’t hold back any longer. “I need you,” he growled as he kissed her again, as his hands covered her body, touching her everywhere, learning her curves and her shapes, noting her reaction to every touch he made. “I need to be inside you.”

  “Not here,” she gasped. “Anyone could walk through that door—”

  “Fuck the door.” He called out one of his weapons with a flash and a crack of black light, then slammed it into the door, jamming the hinge. “It’s just us now.”

  Catherine’s green eyes widened, desire blazing in them. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

  “You mind?” He pressed his hips against hers, driving his erection into her belly as he ravished her mouth with more kisses, not bothering to give her a chance to respond—

  Her fingers went to his waistband, and he swore as she unbuttoned his jeans and slipped her hand inside them. “Hell,” he gasped as her hand closed around his cock. “What are you doing?”

  “I don’t even know,” she whispered, her voice throaty and raw as she stroked him with a carnal innocence that nearly shredded the last vestiges of his self-control. “I’ve never felt like this before.”

  “Shit, woman, if you felt this for another guy, I think it would tear my heart right out of my damn body.” Ian ripped at the button on her jeans and yanked them down, tearing them off her feet with a fierceness that he’d never felt before. He’d never needed anything the way he needed to be inside her. His entire soul was straining at its boundaries, desperate to be released into her, to claim her as his and connect them so tightly that she’d never be able to leave him again.

  He shoved her up against the wall and kissed her again as he wrapped his hand around her left thigh and lifted her leg over his hip. Her skin was so smooth, but it was burning with a heat that matched the fire raging within him. He slipped his fingers inside her, and swore when he felt how ready she was. “Jesus, Catherine—”

  “Ian,” she gasped, as she writhed from his invasion, her hips moving almost violently, as if she were as unable to contain her response to him as he was unable to stop himself from reacting to her. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, and he attacked her mouth again, kissing her so fiercely it was almost violent.

  She grabbed his head and kissed him back, her leg tight around his hip as if she could yank him closer and deeper, as if his fingers plunged deep inside her couldn’t begin to satisfy her. Damn good thing, because it wasn’t enough for him either. “I need to be inside you,” he whispered between kisses. “Now.”

  “God, yes.”

  Rightness roared through him, and Ian grabbed her other leg and locked them around his hips. He broke the kiss, pulling back enough to see her face. Her eyes opened and she locked gazes with him. “I want you to know this is me,” he said as he grabbed her hips and adjusted them so he was pressing against her entrance. “You and me, Catherine. You and me. Got it?”

  She nodded, her breath coming fast and shallow, her hands digging into his shoulder. “You and me.”

  “Say my name
.” He needed to connect them, to lock them down, to bind them so tightly that she couldn’t get away from him again. He pressed harder against her entrance, every muscle in his body straining not to enter her until he had what he wanted. Until it was only about them. “Tell me it’s me.”

  Catherine’s face softened, and for a second, he felt like she’d become some angel sent from the heavens, there was so much beauty in her eyes. Then she cupped his face and pulled him closer. “Ian Fitzgerald,” she whispered. “It’s only you.”

  Yes. Rightness surged through him and he plunged deep inside her.

  *

  Alice almost screamed from the surge of emotions that filled her as Ian drove into her. Desire raged through her, a passion so intense that her muscles were trembling, and she couldn’t breathe. And it was more than that. A sense of connection, of everything being exactly as it was supposed to be. Of her finally finding that place she’d been searching for her entire life.

  Ian grasped her hips and began to move inside her, devouring her with kisses so passionate they reached deep inside her and claimed her very core. Her hips twisted, trying to get him deeper, churning up sensations that rippled through her, evoking such desire she could barely even hold onto him.

  “I’ve got you, sweetheart,” he promised, his voice rough against her lips. “I won’t let you fall. Just let it go.” Then he thrust deep, and she was lost to him, opening herself to him on every level. Her heart, her soul, her body, her spirit. Everything was for him. And it wasn’t enough. She wanted more. She wanted him. She wanted it both ways. She wanted to feel his emotions, his desire, his passion and his—

  Sudden lust flooded her, and she gasped from the darkness that suddenly consumed her. Fierce, protective passion. Ownership. Lust. And an aching despair so overwhelming it nearly tore her soul apart. Ian’s despair. She knew instantly that she was feeling Ian’s emotions, that he was pouring them into her exactly as she’d asked. There was so much inside him. So much passion, so much strength, courage, and violence. He was brimming with violence and darkness, the same kind that had tortured her for so long, that haunted her at every turn.

  Demon violence.

  It was in him, thick and alive, and fear began to ripple through her—

  “No.” Ian broke the kiss, and pulled back, stilling his hips as he met her gaze. “Feel what else is inside me,” he said. “That’s not who I am.”

  Alice began to tremble, but she nodded, keeping her attention riveted to his face. His dark brown eyes, his tousled hair, the whiskers on his jaw, the mouth that had kissed her so passionately. It was a man who held her, not a monster. It was a man who had brought her to life, not a demon who had stripped it from her. “It’s all inside you,” she said. “The evil, and the good—”

  “No.” He kissed her again, a gentle, tender kiss that brought tears to her eyes as he began to move his hips again, slow, seductive thrusts that began to curl sensual desire through her again. “I’m a fucked-up mess,” he said between kisses. “I’m cursed, and I’m definitely not the kind of guy you’d take home to your mom, but I’m not evil.”

  She shifted her hips, unable to keep from responding to the sensations he was evoking inside her with his slow, seductive thrusts. “But there’s demon inside you—”

  “No evil.” He kissed her again. “Don’t keep me out, Catherine. Bring me into your soul. See who I really am. Let me see who you really are. Let me find out your secrets, the ones you can’t tell me.” Then he thrust again, deeper this time, and she couldn’t keep from gasping at the intense pleasure that cascaded through her.

  How could her body respond like this if he was evil? It didn’t make sense. It couldn’t happen. She shouldn’t be feeling this way regardless of who he was— He thrust again, and a tremor shot through her. An orgasm? “Dear God, Ian—”

  “Not God. Just me. But I’m damned close.” Then he took over her mouth again, and his kiss was more than just passion, more than just desire. There was a tenderness to it that made her throat tighten, a personalization that told her that it was simply for her. That she was all that mattered. An offering of his very soul to her, if she wanted it. A deep, masculine warmth enfolded her like a solid wall of strength, and she knew it was Ian, showing her that she was safe with him. He wasn’t kissing Catherine, he wasn’t making love to a name, he was completely and irretrievably connected to her, to her soul, to the very essence of who she was.

  The demon was still there inside him. The despair. The shadows that clung to his heart and had burrowed their way into his soul hadn’t lessened, but beside all of that, she could sense a purity of spirit, an honesty of intention, a commitment to her safety.

  His emotions and his spirit were unlike anything she’d ever felt before, and she was overwhelmed by it, by how he made her feel. Unable to articulate her emotions, she showed him the only way she could, by wrapping her arms around him and kissing him with everything she was.

  “And now you’re mine,” Ian whispered it into her mouth, a fierce statement of possession that made her shiver in anticipation. Then he thrust deep, and she was lost to him.

  The kisses turned frantic and desperate, and suddenly she couldn’t get enough of him. She clung to him as he thrust again and again, driving deeper and deeper, sending her catapulting toward the precipice. Tension built inside her, coiling tighter and tighter, twisting her insides into a seething mass of desire so intense she couldn’t even think. “Ian—” she gasped.

  “Catherine,” he growled as he thrust one more time, and then everything fragmented inside her and she came apart in his arms. Ian shouted fiercely and then he was crushing her against the wall, his body rigid as the orgasm took him, spinning them both wildly out of control, into a place so dangerous and so right that she knew everything had changed for her forever.

  *

  Ian leaned his forehead against Catherine’s as he fought to regain his breath. His muscles were vibrating from the violence of the orgasm that had just taken him, and from the intensity of what he’d felt from Catherine.

  He understood more about her. So much more. And it wasn’t good.

  “Ian.” Her voice was throaty and sensual, easing into his gut as she ran her fingers through his hair.

  He smiled and lifted his head, placing a kiss on her mouth. That amazing, beautiful mouth. “Hey.”

  Her eyes were at half-mast, the expression of a woman well-loved, but there was a furrow between her brows. “That shouldn’t have been able to happen between us.”

  Ian nodded. “I know. I can tell.”

  Surprise flickered across her face. “You can? What are you talking about?”

  Ian rested his palm on her chest, over her heart. “There are shields inside you so strong that I couldn’t get past them. I could feel you reaching out for me, inviting me in, but I couldn’t get in. You’re blocked from connecting with me. With anyone?”

  She nodded, watching him warily, as if uncertain how much to share. “I thought you could get that information out of me. Wasn’t that why we had sex?”

  Ian chuckled at the flash of vulnerability in her eyes. “Sweetheart, we made love because there was nothing on this earth that could have kept me from you.”

  A small smile flickered at the corner of her mouth. “I know that’s not the whole truth. I know we had sex to build an intimate connection between us, but I really liked that you said that.”

  “I meant it.”

  Her smile grew wider. “That’s why I liked it.”

  Ian grinned, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of something being wrong. He’d felt it when he was inside her, connected to what little of her spirit he’d been able to reach. Yeah, the sex had been something off the charts, and there was no question that she was the other half of his soul, but something was off, and he didn’t know what. There was a gap between them, a gap that was dangerously wrong.

  The doorknob behind him turned, and he heard the thudding as someone tried to open the door. Catherine gla
nced over his shoulder, and her cheeks turned red. “I need to get my clothes back on.”

  “I know.” Reluctantly, Ian slid out of her, and as he did, an aching sense of loss consumed him, as if he’d just lost so much more than a physical connection with her. As if it were the last time he would be connected like that with her. Seriously? The curse coming at him already, trying to make him mourn what he hadn’t even lost yet? What the hell? Catherine was alive and well in his arms, and now that he’d found her, he was going to keep her alive.

  He stayed close to her as they both reclaimed their clothes, unable to shake the sensation that something was increasingly wrong. It was when she reached for her hair to smooth it that he realized what was wrong. He grabbed her arm and pulled it toward him.

  “What is it?” Catherine frowned as he shoved her sleeve up. “What are you looking for?”

  “My mark.” Ian swore as he bared her forearm. Her skin was clear and unblemished. There was no silver line forming on her skin, signifying that by making love, they’d just done the first stage of the bond that would seal her as his sheva, his soul mate. A gaping void shot through him so intense that it seemed to erode his entire soul. “Jesus, Catherine. It’s not there.”

  “What’s not?” She leaned next to him, her shoulder brushing against his as she peered at her arm.

  “My brand.” Sweat beaded on Ian’s brow, and he felt like the world was starting to slide away from him. He held out his arm, showing her the black brand in the shape of a mace. “As my mate, when we complete any of the six stages of bonding that will complete the bond between a Calydon and his mate, my brand begins to form on your arm. When we complete the bond, the image of my brand is complete on your skin, binding us forever.” He stared at her arm, willing the lines to appear. Come on, you bastard.